Defence minister refutes claims of inadequate equipment in Afghanistan
DEPARTMENT OF PUBLIC-PRIVATE PARTNERSHIP, Whitehall.co.uk, Saturday (NNN) — Defence and equipment minister Quentin Bailey has said he is “horrified” by accusations the government has been “cavalier”...
View ArticleAl-Qaeda PR man convicted in fair and speedy trial
NOVEMBER SURPRISE, Pennsylvania, Monday (NNN) — Ali Hamza al-Bahlul, accused of being Osama Bin Laden’s media secretary, has been convicted by a US military jury at the Guantánamo Bay detention centre....
View ArticleNorth Korea demands UN apology
KIM’S HAPPY PLACE, Pyongyang, Wednesday (NNN) — North Korea has threatened to carry out nuclear missile tests unless the UN Security Council apologises for its “unseemly snickering” at their recent...
View ArticleDisks full of porn “sold to military”
MELLIE, Newcastle, Thursday (NNN) — Gigabytes and gigabytes of pornography and highly sensitive login details for gentleman’s art sites were bought by a US military missile air defence base second-hand...
View ArticleCyber attack could bring US military response
SNOW CRASH, The Metaverse, Wednesday (NNGadget) — US Air Force General Kevin Chilton, head of US Strategic Command, has said that attacks on the United States via the Internet could merit a...
View ArticleTaliban publicises new “cute fluffy kittens” code of conduct
AFGHANISTAN TRANSIT TRADE, Helmand, Friday (NNN) — The Taliban has issued a code of conduct for its operations in Afghanistan and Pakistan. The code notes that “suicide attacks are not ‘right on’ and...
View ArticleWest fights for democracy, justice and marital rape in Afghanistan
REEPERBAHN, Helmand, Friday (NNN) — Afghanistan has passed a law permitting Shia men to deny their wives food if they refuse to obey their husbands’ sexual demands, to the embarrassed silence of the...
View ArticleGoogle repels Microsoft attack on London offices
VICTORIA, Steampunk Britain, Thursday (NNN) — A “wall of steel” Microsoft rocket attack on Google’s London office yesterday caused a small fire from a ruptured gas cylinder, a reminder of the browser...
View ArticleApple saves world from Commodore 64 nuclear attack
DRAGON’S DEN, Cheyenne Mountain, Tuesday (NNGadget) — Despite months of negotiations to get a Commodore 64 emulator approved for the iPhone, Apple has pulled the application after just two days after a...
View ArticleObama attacks moon while receiving Peace Prize
HELMAND, Neuschwabenland, Friday (NNN) — Barack Obama, the President of Earth, has controversially launched an attack on the Lunar Imperium the same day he received the Nobel Peace Prize for not being...
View ArticleHome from Afghanistan by 2014 after the all-night rave
FAÇ 51, Kunduz, Monday (NTN) — Battle-weary soldiers are successfully winning hearts, minds and DJ playoffs in Afghanistan with stupendous quantities of MDMA. The drug, found in almost homeopathic...
View ArticleUS military bans icky nasty game
SLIGHT INDISPOSITION STAR, Communal States of America, Saturday (NTN) — Medal of Honor, a popular video game that lets you play as the unAmerican team, has been banned from US military bases as...
View ArticleCyber terrorism identified as major excuse for Olympics
MISSILE COMMAND, South Bank, Monday (NTN) — A new generation of sophisticated “cyber terrorists” are to be blamed for the imminent failure of the London 2012 Olympics. Although the Coalition’s National...
View ArticlePentagon: Wikileaks “has blood on its hands, unlike us”
MENTAX, Underground, Tuesday (NTN) — US military officials have condemned the latest war document release by Wikileaks as “potentially fatal to our credibility” and leading to 15,000 more officials...
View ArticleEurope simulates total cyber war
WEB 0.1, Cyberspice, Saturday (NTN) — The European Union has run a simulated “cyber attack,” in which simulated outsourcing companies strike mortal blows upon national budgets for consulting fees for...
View ArticleUK plans cyber-weapons programme
HEY HEY 16K, R: Tape Loading Error, Thursday (NTK) — GCHQ has begun work on a range of uniquely British cyber-weapons to add to Britain’s defensive capability. “Cyber-Space,” said General Jonathan...
View ArticleMurdered children necessary to protect your freedom
NEWTOWN, Connecticut, Sunday (NTN) — Responsible gun owners have to fight back against the atheist liberal Obamunist Euro-weenie homosexuals who think murdered leftist children in any way justify...
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